I still think about the way I used to feel. The teasing and bullying I endured as a tween/young teen. Never believing or feeling pretty. Thinking I would grow up alone. All the handwritten journals, scribbled frantically, tear-stained, trying to fix myself. Nobody should ever have to feel that way...

"You are a beast - look at your hairy eyebrows!" "You look like a man!" "Nobody wants to date a girl who looks like that!"...observing photos of me from formal dances, murmuring to themselves that even when I try to look nice, I'm still ugly and "beastly." Whatever I did, it wasn't cool. I couldn't fit in! If the cool thing was to wear a certain shirt, I'd wear one. Then I'd be "trying too hard." When we held hands as a team during the National Anthem, I held their hand "weird" so I was a "lesbian." I was a "good girl" so I could never hear the gossip. I told my coaches they told me they would grow up sooner or later, but they never helped stop them.

Any compliment given to me, I took for a joke. Like men sarcastically hooting at an unattractive passerby, "hey hotstuff!" I figured if somebody thought I was cute, they must be mocking me. I thought, "I'm always told how strange I am, so they can't be serious - I'm not cute." The thoughts continued to get deeper, scarier, serious...

I wanted it to end. It all just hurt too much. My thoughts, my head... seeing the things that other people just didn't.

And then one day... they stopped. I woke up with bright eyes, I woke up empowered. I woke up smiling, I woke up beautiful. THEY woke up alone, THEY woke up lost, THEY woke up ugly, THEY woke up without a future.

I wish THEY could TAKE A LOOK AT ME NOW. Look at me! I am happy! I am healthy! I have friends! People appreciate my genuine soul. I have a successful job. I am in l o v e .

I want them to know how they made me feel. I want them to know that I still think about it, they've done permanent damage. I want them to know what they did was wrong! That every young girl is beautiful, sparkling, special.

I am fortunate enough to have been able to deal with the past, to grow beyond it, but not everybody is. I am proud that I can write this (even if it still makes me cry) as a piece of my history... I am proud, I am feeling - thinking - seeking - living, I am a happy, shiny ME.

Because it's hard to get him to smile for photos, and tonight he was giddy enough to oblige:




he's really proud of his "2 pack"

after acquiring this dress the other day at lord and taylor:



(it's lucky brand (my favorite!) and I got it for $18 instead of $89 - the sales lady liked me and had some super friends/family discount card!)

I promised I was done "vacation shopping" - which is easy to do when one is "bored" with day to day life and can't think about anything else except waves, bronzed bodies and costa rican beer. And I was finished until my day-off boredom took me to www.roxy.com and I found THESE:




we all know I love short shorts, especially boardshorts, especially boardshorts of the tie-dyed formality.

*sigh*

which lead me to discover this:


which I obviously had to purchase since I spent all summer searching for a proper tie-dyed bathing suit with no decent results.. until now.

So this is it - I'm done! No more spending my savings on (super cute) clothing until at least February, haha... especially since it's so slow at work! I only have two shifts this week! (boo.) I don't really mind it, actually... I knew for a while now that November was going to be slow and so far I'm enjoying the time off, extra sleep and extra time to do bikram - working towards that beach bod.

(total side note: have I told you about Dan's "6 Pack" goal? He's spent the last 6 weeks bragging that he'll have a 6 pack for 1/1/10 and calculating a complex diet and workout plan to make sure his goal is reached. I love Dan very dearly. I think he is very handsome. However; some of us are blessed with muscle definition - and some of us are not. Dan has had a few 6 packs in his 28 years of life: Yuengling, Guinness, High Life, etc... but never the kind made of muscle. Mostly, I don't want him to be disappointed with less than stellar results BUT so far I'm impressed! He weighs himself each Monday, and each Monday only and tracks his BMI and body fat, trying to lose at least 2% and 2 pounds each time and is on track so far. Maybe I'm wrong - either way I'm proud of him and excited for 1/1/10 to come so I can either tease him, or enjoy the results :)

I'm sure I'll start stressing out when my envelope for the next few weeks barely cracks $400... but I can live with it.

AH! Also: we've been trying to find waterfall tours in Nosara. Each time I'm there, I hear people speaking of beautiful waterfalls with lush lagoons, tweeting birds and howling monkeys. Each time I try and trek towards one. Each time I've failed. I was starting to think they were lying! Until I emailed Joe of the Gilded Iguana and he promised a 30 minute trek into the jungle with our crew towards a "double waterfall with a clean lagoon - a real kodak moment" which we're totally pumped for!

Also, Ian has promised wireless high speed internet in the house + casita which is incredible considering we're staying in the middle of the jungle, but awesome for keeping in touch / bragging to friends and family while we're away :)

Would like to take this moment to honor a friend/coworker who has recently been laid off from work... very, very sad. Taught me much of everything I know, I greatly owe most of my success to her. Without the experience of working along side of her, I would never have been blessed with my position at the boat, along with endless opportunities for learning from, and impressing clients daily. Best of luck, you are already missed so much! We are shocked and don't understand, but you are talented and will be just fine...

I think that's all for now. Must pull this bed head mess of my self together and take a sunny stroll, to enjoy the fire colored leaves while I can. Thankfully the unusually warm November sun has kept them alive longer than usual.

Ta-ta!

Allison

let's go surfing now! everybody's learning how! come on and safari with meeeeeee!




SUPER CUTE! world's smallest board haha...

Today I successfully scheduled a waterfall trek for our stay in Nosara:

Allison,
I can show you a great double waterfall with a nice clean lagoon to swim in. It's a 30 minute walk through the jungle and it's alot of fun and a real kodak momment. I also do some great river kayaking trips on a quiet jungle river. When you get into town call me at 2682-4089 and we'll set you up. Thanks for the email and I'm looking forward to adventuring with you and your group.
Joe

nice!

www.surfingnosara.com

Aside from Dan, I've never ached so badly to be at a place rightnowallthetime ... FORTY-SEVEN MORE DAYS! bitches!

and here's our cool custom beer huggies:


they're velcro foam and wrap around a can/bottle to keep it nice and chilled in the hot costa rican sun.. oh boy!

off to bikram in a bit...

 FIFTY SEVEN DAYS UNTIL THIS:



and this:



while drinking this:



wrapped in one of these:

(yes I totally wasted way too much money purchasing all seven of us customized velcro beer huggies each with our last names and favorite color... *sigh*)

the excitement is only building, even though Dan keeps scolding me each time I remind him how close it is (he's paying for grad school out of pocket and has plenty of assignments, tuition bills and projects to do before vacation... and money to save) even though we've already saved up $1,500! Which I am very proud of. We put all our extra "grease" ($100's passed to us by party hosts at work) money in there - must mean we're pretty good at our job, huh? :) and also any extra cash we can afford. It's all going to spending cash, our Nature Air flight and the house (www.iicostarica.com) if anybody wants to see a BEAUTIFUL house ON the beach for a very, very affordable price, I recommend this place. Wonderful hospitality, full kitchen, baths (indoor and out), grill... pool... and monkeys are included at no additional cost.

I really can't wait to share this beautiful place with my friends. And Dan :) There's seven of us going and 5 of us are staying in the house while Dan and I get our very own casita hahaha wink wink. 

best,
Allison

  

"sees things other people miss"

 umm.. why aren't my lj-cuts working? advice?

This morning, still nose to nose under the covers, naked and happy:

Him: Would you like some breakfast?
Me: Yes.
Him: English muffin sandwhich?
Me: Yes.
Him: With an over medium egg and cheese - would you like some Canadian bacon?
Me: Yes. Every Sunday should be like this.
...a few minutes pass...
Me: Upon further consideration, I would like my eggs scrambled with cheese, is that possible"
Him: Upon further consideration, I think you're a big dingle berry, you know that?



:) ahh, sigh... the sandwhich was delicious, by the way.

<lj-cut text="a few more photo updates:">

Absolutely perfectly pan sauteed scallops that I made the other day with garlic herb butter, salt/pepper, pumpkin raviolis with raisins, apples and garlic wilted spinach:

me thinks cooking is becoming more than a hobby...

Pretty awkward post-double-shift work photo but that thing dressed up as the Philly Phanatic is an original compass on the boat.. haha it's pretty cute in person! GO PHILLIES!:


I wish the leaves stayed fall colored for a few days more...


Work is work is work is work... but sometimes work is beautiful, too:


Photo my mom sent me via text the other day (Zeke is the smaller one, Bailey is the larger one. Both are very friendly and can do lots of tricks!)



Ahh, self photography on my one hour break the other day. This is pre-Keratin treatment with my lovely, natural frizzy curls:

</lj-cut>
And finally, went to see Alegria (one of Cirque du Soleil's shows) a few weeks ago, here's a money shot of the beautiful (male!) hand balancer:


Although I think that night was their "night off" show, it was still spectacular as per usual. Maybe a few less flips and twists but still awesome. The Russian bar is my favorite! It's like a bouncy balance beam steadied by a performer at each end on their shoulders, then somebody hops on top and does a series of flips, pretty bad ass.

So, what else is new? This weekend I had off Friday, Saturday AND today! Wooaahhh still can't believe it actually happened. Thursday night after work I went to Ed's and he gave me this special Keratin treatment for my hair to take away the frizzies but not straighten it permanently, it should still retain its curl. They charge $350 (!!!!!!) in the salon for it but he did it for me at product cost. I'm not allowed to wash it for three days so I'm pretty excited to give it a good scrubbing tonight. This also means I haven't been allowed to sweat or get it wet OR pull it back for the past few days which also meant no bikram yoga, boooo.

Friday I treated myself to a manicure + pedicure (vibrant red and seafoam green, respectively) then chilled out at my place. Last night we went to B&B's to watch the Phillie's game...it was fun. We ate cider donuts, pie and soup!

Today I'm just waiting til 5:00 so I can wash my hair and then go to yoga.. thrilling, I know. Then tomorrow my seven shift week begins, oh Portside PDR how I've missed you. not.

welp that's all...
allison

 So, what's new? Not much!

1. Went to Gabby & Jim's wedding last week in Long Island, NY with Day (LI is waaaay further from Philly than I thought, it took us 3 hours to get there!) here's a few photos:

okay NIX the photos, can't get it to work. woof.


straightening and curling my curly hair didn't work out so well in the humidity but I love love looove the dress I wore, from Lord and Taylor form fitting, lightly rouched and beaded flowers on the one shoulder. Working hard for that Bikram body so I might as well show it off, ya dig?

2. Ran an amazing wedding a few weeks ago where the BM surprised the b&g with FIREWORKS! It was bad ass. I wish I had photos of the two of them looking on in amazement.

3. I still love Dan :) a lot. Even though we've been working in the (relatively) same suited position for a few months now, we still get on great. Even though we wear these in-ear walkie talkies and everybody likes to over think what we say to each other over the air waves and ask, "Are you fighting?!" Nope. We're just working.

4. Working weddings for a living is turning out to be one giant T E A S E. It only took about two years of doing it to really get to me... *I* want a wedding! I've got it all worked out! I know what colors, flowers, etc I want! I've seen it all...

5. Still like my new car.

6. Just did my 92nd Bikram class tonight, I think I'll do something special after the 100th one.

7. Speaking of numbers, only 87 days until our vacation in Costa Rica.

8. I declined a "promotion" to manage at one of our sister restaurants to stay here at the boat. It felt great to be the only (that I know of) person here offered the job. Instead they are going to do a new hire, I believe.

9. Tonight, Dan is cooking up some steak my mom gave me, along with mushroom raviolis! delicious :) Last night he made hawiian pizza out of his homemade pizza dough. And roasted brussel sprouts... haha weird combo but so great.

10. Next Thursday we are going to see CIRQUE DU SOLEIL! YEAHHH!!!! It's Allegria which I've watched on TV many, many times but haven't seen in person. I'm so excited. We're going to do dinner at Modo Mio before with my Dad, it's a really wonderful little byob. Read their menu, your mouth will water: www.modomiorestaurant.com

And I leave you with this:




Allison.

 they see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin' and tryna catch me ridin' dirtayyyy - tryna catch me ridin' dirtay, tryna catch me ridin' dirtay, tryna catch me RIDIN' DIRTAY!

it's so nice to amuse yourself every once in a while.

Maybe I'll post a video update tomorrow.

 Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.

:)

Can't wait to see THESE palm trees again, in all their glory:

Surfing Nosara's photos:




MY photos:




Same trees, same place, different times... s i g h...

really takes me back.

Five more months til we all go home again.

Allison

 
This is Christian - the local tico who is also a Reef boy that taught Dan and I how to surf (with a broken foot! that he had taped together with duct tape! what a champ :)

Love this new surfing nosara site I found on Facebook, I can follow him and other local Nosara surfers daily... and wish I was thereeee nooowwwwwwww

oh! & this is going to be me someday:

lsakdfjdsalfjsadlfjksaldfjasl :) :) :)

Hello :)

I'd like to blame my lack of updates on my "hectic" work schedule. However; I think I've just been lazy. Updates in typical list/paragraphish format:

Last week we bought our flight to Costa Rica for January 1, 2010! WOO HOO! There's 7 of us going, all together and staying in Ian's beautiful house along with the accompanying guest house. He's giving us a ridiculously good rate, each of us only has to pay about $200 for the 9 days that we'll be there. It has A/C, pool, wireless (in the jungle..!? haha) a full kitchen and all that jazz. Since he now rents the house independently there's no longer rental photos up online, so I will share some from my personal collect-she-own:


I call this one, "The Morning After" See the hammock?! They are everywhere in Costa...


doing laps in the pool. Please note pathway on the right that leads directly to the beach. Also note that the house is so close to the ocean that almost every morning we found a crab in the pool :) (but it was sad because the pool chemicals only led them to certain death.)


"The Morning After II" note pool house to the right, pool boy sold us pot. What could be greater?

as you can tell, we're all sooo...oooo excited to travel together! The set up is pretty sweet too because we all have to work New Years Eve at the boat which is pretty much always T E R R I B L E. Sure! We make a solid $500 + but it's totally NOT worth the stress of angry guests who had to wait for their reserved table, guests complaining about the price, guests whose food we have to remake because they left to watch the fireworks. Just over all stressed outness that sucks. BUT! We will all work NYE together and not give a shit about how things go because by that time the day after we'll be on vacation! Ahh :) And a nice bonus (!) will be the extra cash we'll walk with that night. 

So we leave at 5pm from Newark on New Years Day for a nonstop flight, we'll probably stay up all night boozing together, then drive to Hoban's where we'll catch a train to the airport.

Yeah, it's over 150 days away and we can't wait.

Aside from vacation excitement there's being other exciting changes happening... Such as Dan getting a promotion :) He's now a "banquet captain" just like me which is great because we get to work together and he makes more money than serving. Everybody thinks we like working together just because we're dating, but honestly he's one of the few people at work that I can trust to get shit done. It's nice.

Went out last night after work with Dan + Bill to Pete's where i drank two pints of Watermelon Wheat Ale + some irish whiskey... uhh bad news bears? Sick Today. poop!

Oh omg ALSO worked the most awkward wedding ever last night. It was a wedding of 50 guests who were mostly from Portugal, and total dicks. The most terrible thing about it was that it was a D R Y wedding - NO BOOZE! You have GOT to be kidding me. It wasn't dry because they're a family of alcoholics, it was dry because they're cheap. Keep in mind how unfun a room full of 50 stone sober Portuguese really is. Painful. Clueless photographers, clueless and rude groom, beautiful bride though.

Also what is everybody's opinions on public breast feeding? One of the guests last night was upset we didn't have a private area for her to breast feed her newborn child (which in my opinion shouldn't have even been out, it was sooo sooo tiny, looked not even a month old.)

Okay some goofy photos from one of our "family dinners" with me, Dan, Bill, Hoban + Danielle:

Me.


Hoban


Danielle. Note: Tully.



Bill lmao hahahhahaha


"We're going on vaaaccaaaaaation!"


Vagina.

Okay, that's enough.
Allison

 Just putting this here to remind myself to update tomorrow...

 I see something in people...

 Well yesterday I had the day off and traveled to Franklin Mills Mall which I really hate because of the crowd it attracts. I did however brave the crowd and managed to find a really great 2 piece skirt suit and another black pencil skirt for another suit I own all for $129.00 which is a great steal since it's from Banana Republic.

Then I came back, went to Bikram which was especially torturous for some reason. I think maybe I just needed some sugar because I left the room after the "warm up" and got a vitamin water, then felt better. It was SO HOT though I mean it had to be at least 120* because students whom I take class with all the time just left half way, which is a huge no-no and almost never happens. I'm glad I suffered through it, though. I just had a bunch of fruit and a pita so hopefully I'll be better tonight.

Sunday I had to work brunch which turned out okay, even though it sucked I still managed to pull in $180 - not sure how - since it was only $35 a person and mimosas/champagne and Heinekens were FREE so nobody really drank anything of cost. Had off that night and a few friends came over for dinner, I made a homemade spicy mushroom and sausage red sauce and some salad, had some wine then ventured to the movie theater to see <i>The Hangover</i> which was some seriously funny shit!

Today Dan took me to Ants Pants for breakfast/lunch, which was delicious! We had sweet potato "chips" with sour cream and mae ploy chili sauce and cheddar, apple and bacon scramble, yummy!

Theeeen I got my nails done :) Fingers sparkly pink, toes sparkly purple, both my favorite! Returned ill fitting suit pieces to Express and purchased two of the softest shirts I've ever owned from J Crew which were on sale.

Now I'm here just waiting for my Bikram clothes to dry so I can meet Ed before class. OHH I have lots of work DRAMZ to catch up on, but no time to explain it all right now, so later tonight, maybe.

Ciao
Allison

 NEW CAR (!!!) yet :)



It's a 2007 sx4Crossover Suzuki, cobalt blue. I hadn't really intended to purchase a new car but after car swapping with my Dad while the Jetta was getting inspected, I had to drive his Jetta for a week or so, the one he intended to butcher for parts for my Jetta... WELL his car kind of just crapped out and I think he finally realized it's time I get a new ride.

I got a pretty sweet deal, $2000 cash down + $500 from my shit old car, 0% interest, 5 year bumper to bumper & my Dad is a co-signer so I can re-finance it in a few months and start to build some credit. I pay $220something a month for 60 months, not bad.

It's pretty much brand new and only has 25,000 miles on it, I really like it! It's the first car I've ever had with power locks, windows, working AC, a CD player, Auto Volume Control and all kinds of radio controls on the steering wheel.

Since the new car everybody at work has taken well to calling me, "Money Bags" which REALLY ticks me off because, why shouldn't I deserve a new car? Haven't they seen the old one? Don't they know how much of a saver I am? They say the same shit every time I go on vacation, too & it makes me want to sock them all in the stomach.

Okay. More later.

 I promise that I will update tomorrow :) As for now:



My terribly long work week is finally over! & I'm celebrating with homemade pasta sauce, cookies & other delicious things with a friend before we go and see </i>The Hangover</i> in preparation for the hangovers we will both probably suffer through tomorrow morning.

Cheers,
Allison